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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  November 2, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EDT

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know, the lawyers are playing next to the politicians. i don't know how to predict which way it's going. >> reporter: can i ask who you're supporting? >> well, i was supporting ron paul to be quite honest, but it's -- you know, i'll probably vote for obama. ♪ i don't care whether your republican or democrat. when you get down at this level, you know, you're american and you are going to look out for your friends. ♪ >> thanks to bill weir there. and thank you for watching abc news. hope you check in for "good morning america". they'll have the latest on sandy's aftermath. we're always online, abcnews.com. jimmy kimmel is next. see you tomorrow.
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up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" from brooklyn. jon stewart and stephen colbert. >> did you guys know that stephen and i met on j-date? did you know? >> cousin sal's halloween in brooklyn. >> yeah, you did it! all right! open your bag. there you go. >> and music from the avett brothers with the brooklyn philharmonic. an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" from brooklyn, coming up next.
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>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. i'm here in brooklyn where guillermo and i are about to shoot a commercial for subway. guillermo was training for the ing new york city marathon. i'm his coach. but what he doesn't know is that i'm going to intentionally screw this commercial up over and over again so he has to run a lot. all right? send him in. guillermo? you look great. all right, so, you're going to run around me while i read this stuff, but really fast, like, as fast as you can. >> okay. >> jimmy: let's practice it. marathon training requires energy and subway is a great play to fuel up fur your workout, right guillermo? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: try subway's egg white and cheese on flatbred loaded with -- oh, veggies. for lunch, subway's italian bmt packed with spicy pepperoni and black forest hat. i said hat.
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>> ready to eat, jimmy. >> jimmy: are you ready to eat? but you're not smiling. >> ready to eat. >> jimmy: ready to eat. which reminds me, i'm getting hungry. are you -- you're supposed to wait until i ask -- >> let's go jimmy. >> jimmy: that's not where we say it. you have lettuce on your face. is that a problem? smile. you got to smile. >> i would like to stop. >> jimmy: you would like to stop what? >> i would like to stop. and share this wonderful time with -- >> jimmy: do you think we have it? >> i think we have it. >> jimmy: you think we have it? i think we probably have it, too. now, do we do the outside running part? >> wow, there's more? >> jimmy: going to be a little bit more running, yeah. >> wow.
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>> jimmy: you look like a turkey i basted for thanksgiving. >> turkey. >> dicky: like many subway famous fans who've run it before, jared and apolo support guillermo's training for the ing new york city marathon. subway, the official training restaurant of elite athletes everywhere and guillermo. "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with jon stewart and stephen colbert, plus music from the avett others with the brooklyn philharmonic. in! subway steak melts. kaboom! [ male announcer ] tackle a fresh toasted big philly cheesesteak, loaded with tender juicy steak and melty cheese. protein powerhouse! [ male announcer ] or try a mega meaty steak & bacon melt, piled high with crisp-a-licious bacon and melted cheese atop sizzlin' steak. oh, give me some of that! i can taste it now. [ male announcer ] send your hunger to the sidelines with one of our subway steak melts. stop watching me! get going! subway. eat fresh.
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and now, not for nothing here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. well, that's very kind. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. we are -- [ cheers and applause ] that's very nice, thank you. fine, i'll stay. thank you very much. that's very nice of you. we are live at the harden theater at the brooklyn -- [ cheers and applause ] i appreciate it. and thank you for taking time away from your food co-op
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advisory boards to be here tonight. this is our third night here in brooklyn. the weather is getting better. people are becoming more enthusiastic. i woke up this morning, it was sunny and beautiful. here's the funny thing about the local news in new york. as soon as the weather is nice, the reporters go right back indoors. i'm happy to be here either way. honestly, i'm just happy to be on the same drinking schedule as kathie lee and hoda. hey, where is my little hoda? oh, there he is. [ cheers and applause ] welcome, guillermo. he's been in that closet for most of the week. do you like brooklyn, guillermo? >> yeah, i love brooklyn, jimmy. >> jimmy: brooklyn seems to like you. what is the -- this might be a tough question. but what's the best thing you've eaten since you've been here? >> pizza. >> jimmy: pizza? what kind -- which one? >> well -- pepperoni with hall pain yoeps.
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>> jimmy: okay, all right. we're going to have him deported back to l.a. my aunt chippy is here, too, somewhere in the audience. where is aunt chippy? oh, hi, aunt chippy. [ applause ] do you have anything you'd like to say? you have a statement you'd like to make to everyone here in brooklyn? >> well, i am very, very proud of them, that our hometown has given you such a great reception and i'm very, very proud to be a brooklynite. >> jimmy: and what is that -- she broke her shoulder on the way in here. >> yeah, i got a present from jfk airport. first time i've broken a bone and if i had to do it any place, i'm glad it was here in brooklyn. >> jimmy: oh, that's -- i don't know what's happened to aunt chippy. very optimistic. our last conversation, she was smoking and complaining in her hotel room.
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>> i'll go back to that tomorrow. >> jimmy: everyone hangs out, gets loaded after the show but we have to come back to work the next morning. hard to take someone seriously in a meeting when 12 hours later, that person ripped their shirt off and started posing on a bar stool, right, field producer patrick friend? where is patrick? >> jimmy, i've been dreading this all day. >> jimmy: we got video of this from -- i wouldn't say last night, but -- this morning. and -- there's patrick. i don't know what possessed him to do this. well, i do know what possessed him to do it. aunt chippy, what do you think about that? >> i already spoke to his wife, but i tried to smooth it over, but -- only god knows what's going to happen when he gets home. >> jimmy: you might want to hang out here for awhile. >> i'm staying in brooklyn. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you're here on a great night tonight.
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we have some extra excellent music planned for tonight. the avett brothers are here with the brooklyn fill hphilharmonic. our guests tonight are jon stewart and stephen colbert. from television. [ applause ] hey, this is fun. you know, there's a lot of creative facial hair in brooklyn and sometimes it's hard to tell if it's being worn ironically or not. tonight, i thought it would be fun to play an audience game called hipster or hasidic jew? the way it works is, we will see a closeup shot of a brooklyn resident's mouth and it will be up to you to guess whether that person is hip or hasidic. let's begin. beard number one. what do you say? let's see it. let's see what he is. >> my name is ed. everyone says i'm a hipster, but i don't really think i am. >> jimmy: close enough. okay, hipster. our next candidate.
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hasidic? all right, we're mixed on this one. let's see what -- [ applause ] this is fun. let's look at another. now this is -- the mustache is rather full. we're going -- most people are on the hipster side here. >> my name is mark. i play -- >> jimmy: well, there you go. not as many hasidics playing that. next one. okay. all right. you guys are good at this. >> i play the old time fiddle. >> jimmy: maybe not that good at it. >> not hasidic. >> jimmy: hipster. one more here. let's take a look.
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hasidic? okay. all right. >> i'm not a hipster. i am a jew. you can check me out on facebook. >> jimmy: all right. on facebook. [ applause ] hairy facebook. the aftermath of the hurricane is still unfortunately making life very difficult for people in the tri-state area. mayor bloomberg announced that new york city schools will be closed for the rest of the week, and so sh the [ applause ] -- i guess you don't have kids, huh? some of the subways, you know, the subway started back up this morning but they're not close to operating at full capacity. service has been out for four days, causing frustration for millions, except those who ride the g-train. they didn't notice anything different at all. commuters have been forced to drive their cars or take the
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bus, which means commutes that are typically 30 minutes long are taking three or four hours. that sounds like a nightmare to people here, but in l.a. -- is that considered a long time here for a 30-minute commute? the lines to get on the bus are crazy. somebody posted this picture. this is a line of people waiting to take the shuttle from brooklyn to the city. and this is the bus line wrapped around barclays center down the street. i have an idea, since the kids are out of school, why not use the school buses to lightning that up a little bit? not everything's a joke. [ applause ] new jersey is in especially bad shape. it's like a bruce springsteen sock do song down there. last night, governor christie announced water restrictions. no one is allowed to water their lawns, but they just got 18 feet of water and that seems like a reasonable request. the power is still out for 4.5
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million people. it might not come back until next weekend. and they say 20% of the cell towers in new york have been wiped out. that means people have been resorting to using these. i believe they are called pay phones. they are -- look at how filthy that is. i'd rather write a letter. the only people using those were pimps. now a local pay phone company said since the power went out, they've seen a 2,500% increase in pay phone use. that is -- do you have any idea how hard it is to play draw something on a pay phone? there's also a severe gasoline shortage in new york and new jersey. 75% of the gas stations in the state of new jersey are closed right now. people are waiting in line for hours and the worst part of that is, the people driving priuses who laugh and give you the finger as they go by. but this -- and i don't want to preach here, but -- this is why it's so important to bury a dinosaur in your yard. you have to plan ahead.
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cbs-2 news stopped by an overcrowded gas station in the city today where tensions are running even higher than they usually do in new york. >> i'm coming. >> honking and hurling obscenities, drivers nearly coming to blows. >> look at that. he's jumping. >> it was outrage. >> he's jumping. this is a line! i follow the line, he come, he's jumping. >> jimmy: i don't know what he's saying, but i agree. you can't jump. the gas shortage, maybe this is bittersweet, but it's national news. even our local nbc affiliate in l.a. covered it in the whitest way they could have. >> it's aned aggravation for those who now need gasoline for their generators. >> horrible. everyone is fighting and that's what i get. the police are here. >> true that. >> jimmy: true that. takes us a little while to catch
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up with the street lingo out in l.a. true that. meanwhile, apple is going forward with the release of the ipad mini tomorrow, or for the millions of people who still don't have electricity, a paperweight. a smaller version of the ipad. anyone standing in line for an ipad mini in new york or new jersey this week should be punched in the throat, all right? if you have that kind of time -- [ applause ] volunteer for something. apple just started running a new commercial for the mine kni. it looks like they might have another big hit. >> first came the ipod. then, a slightly thinner ipod. then a tinier ipad. then, a taller, thinner ipod. then, a taller, thinner ipod that shuffles. then a pink one, a blue one, a green one. then, an even smaller ipod. then, a wider ipod. then, an ipod you can touch. than an ipod you can talk on.
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then a shorter, fatter ipod. then, a shorter, fatter ipod that shuffles. then, a thinner ipod you can talk on with a 4 on it. then a huge ipod you cannot talk on. then, a huge ipod that you cannot talk on. then a white one. oh, my god, white! then, a thinner, taller ipod you can talk on. and now, a bigger, but not huge ipod, you cannot talk on. we're apple. and you're suckers. don't forget to buy a new charger, [ bleep ]. [ applause ] >> jimmy: and you weone more th. as you know, last night was halloween. and we have a tradition on our show. my cousin sal greets trick or treaters. we usually do this in l.a., but this year, we're in brooklyn. so, we set up camp in nearby ft. green. we rigged it with hidden cameras and entrusted cousin sal to spread his halloween fun all over the kids of brooklyn. enjoy.
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♪ >> trick or treat! >> hey! happy halloween. who are you supposed to be? >> little red riding hood. >> what was it? >> little red riding hood. >> you're a sweetheart. you know what, i'll unfortunately all out of candy, but -- ive you something sweet. here it is. hold it out. >> what? >> here's some pure sugar. all right? i mean, what's the difference? this is what it is. you're eating chocolate, it goes right into your teeth, just like that. >> okay. >> i want you to split this with your brothers and sisters, okay? >> okay, it's heavy. >> all right. you got it? >> okay. >> now get amped up and kill that big bad wolf. >> trick or treat! ♪ happy halloween to you
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♪ happy halloween to you blow out the candles. make a halloween wish. come on. you're almost there. one more! yay, you did it! all right, open your bag. there you go! nice halloween cake for you. see you, buddy. >> what did you get? >> cake. >> a cake? >> trick or treat! >> one second. >> yeah, yeah, yeah, halloween is getting crazy. >> hey, how are you doing? >> yeah, they're coming all day in droves. all different ages. 3, 5, 9, sometimes they're like 13, 14-year-olds. i know, that's way too old to be trick or treating. >> hang on one second. >> i know. i know, well -- what are you going to do? sometimes kids don't want to grow up, i don't know. keep coming around, they want candy.
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you know? leather jackets and stockings, purple dresses. you have to give them candy. i don't know what they're dressed as. anyway. way too old to be doing this. yeah, i know. i know. what am i going to do. silver bags, asking for candy. hair up in a bun. yeah, 13, 14 years old. how old are you? >> 14. >> 14-year-old. braces. oh, it's cute but it gets old after awhile. i don't know how they can do it. okay. all right. i got to go. all right, take care. >> there you go sweetheart. happy halloween. >> that's it? what? >> truick or treat.
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[ laughter ] >> what do i have to do, knock on the door? knock on the door, yeah. >> brandy? >> trick or treat! >> hi, oh, trick or treaters. sorry, i thought you were my roommate. can i tell you what happened? my roommate. he woke up in the middle of the night and he said he got bitten by a wolf. isn't that nuts? >> yeah. >> crazy! >> yeah. started growing hair on his nose and his eyes and underneath his chin and he had these fangs, fangs this big and he kept
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saying how on halloween, he's like, i'm going to eat four kids and whone is going to be dresse in pink and blue and i'm like, call down. and the other thing is, he's like a ballerina. the werewolf and a ballerina. randy! get in here now! what are you doing? and clean your room! >> i'm sorry, kids. you still owe me $20 for cable. bye, kids. here, take the whole thing. he's the worst roommate. happy halloween! >> jimmy: thank you, cousin sal. all right. that's great. we have a good show for you tonight. the avett brothers are here with the brooklyn philharmonic. and we'll be right back with jon stewart and stephen colbert, so stick around. [ male announcer ] looking to spice things up?
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then hurry down to subway for the spicy italian. it's the featured $5 footlong of november. [ male announcer ] loaded with genoa salami and spicy pepperoni on freshly baked italian herb & cheese bread. subway. eat fresh. on freshly baked italian herb & cheese bread. bye! bye girls, love you. daddy, we made you a video for your trip! yeah, watch it on the airplane! ok here you go. aw, thanks girls. yeah hey. i also made you a video. aw, that's so sweet.
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in-wash scent boosters, here with my favorite new intern, jimmy. mmm! fresh! and it's been in the closet for 12 weeks! unbelievable! unstopables! i'll show you how! ♪ just shake them into the washer i can't believe this lasts 12 weeks! neither can they. so you're going on tour to prove it. downy unstopables. follow jimmy's unstopables tour on youtube.
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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. night three at the harvey theater at the brooklyn academy of music. tonight on the program, this is their latest cd, it's called "the carpenter" but tonight, they have a special song for brooklyn. the avett brothers are here and they will be joined by the brooklyn philharmonic. that's going to be great. and tomorrow night, it is our last show here in town with kelly ripa, alicia keys and a special appearance by chris rock, so join us then as well. by the way, if you haven't helped out with hurricane sandy relief effort and you can,
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please go to redcross.org to donate or you can text "redcross" to 90999 to make a $10 donation. they really need the money. and you were probably going to buy something stupid with it anyway. our guests tonight are two of the funniest and finest men i know. you can find them building swing sets out of emmys just across the bridge on their very popular comedy central shows. watch them live on election night. please welcome jon stewart and stephen colbert. ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow.
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>> good to see you. >> jimmy: good night, everybody! wow. what a spectacular -- ah, the hell with it, yeah. i don't think people gave you enough place. jon stewart and stephen colbert. [ applause ] i don't mean to be rude, but -- can i -- may i ask -- may i ask who this gentleman is? >> oh, that's -- that's chris, right? >> jimmy: hi, chris. how are you doing? >> do we have a seat for chris? >> jimmy: i didn't know chris was coming. >> neither did we. bloomberg said you have to have three people in the car.
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>> jimmy: i see. to get over the bridge. >> walking across the manhattan bridge, seemed like a nice fella. chris, thank you so much, man. >> he said, i'm going to brook lup, we said, get in the car. >> jimmy, do you have snacks backstage? >> jimmy: yeah, we do. chris, everybody. he's going up to -- you all right? everything okay? >> yeah. this is beautiful. >> jimmy: isn't it? >> beautiful theater. >> amazing. >> isn't it beautiful? >> all of brooklyn is beautiful. >> all of it. can i tell you why? >> why? >> can i tell you what is so beautiful about brooklyn? >> jimmy: what is? >> they have electricity. >> jimmy: that is nice. >> they have power and showers. >> power and showers. >> jimmy: do you not have that? >> not at present but we are assured by christmas -- >> jimmy: that you will have it? >> things will be good. >> how nice of you to drop
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rolling papers. >> is that -- >> jimmy: it's just confetti. nothing to worry about. >> beautiful. >> jimmy: is everything okay? is your family okay? >> jon? >> i think this might be acid. is everything okay -- the home is fine. the inside is dark and cold. >> jimmy: is it really? >> but the home itself, the structural integrity of the home -- >> jimmy: that's good. >> from what i can tell -- stephen and i love together, by the way. >> jimmy: do you? >> we commute to work on a tandem bicycle. >> did you guys know that stephen and i met on j-date. did you know? >> we did. >> jimmy: stephen was lurking on j-date? >> he was trolling for jews. [ laughter ] >> i got a gem. >> jimmy: where did you guys meet? >> jimmy, we've been friends for 15 years. you know how we met. oh, the story. >> jimmy: yeah, the story, yeah. >> i met you -- >> i was working for "the daily
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show" before you were there, when it was hosted by jack parr. >> jimmy: is that right? >> and i was a correspondent for "the daily show" and we didn't know who the new host was going to be and they announced it was going to be jon stewart and there was a press conference happening -- >> huge news. >> jimmy: oh, right. >> and i said, well, if i'm a reporter, shouldn't i go cover this? and so i went to -- they said, sure. so, i went to the press conference and i stood there among the rest of the press, i raised my happened, i said, question for jon stewart. how does this announcement affect my chances of becoming the host of "the daily show?" and jon said -- >> i turned to the head of the network and i said, "i thought you said he wasn't funny." after that, all magic. >> jimmy: you've become the most formidable one-two punch in el the vision, i think. we need to take a quick break here and then if you guys would make another entrance, that would be great. make one more round. stephen colbert and jon stewart are here.
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we'll be right back.
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>> jimmy: we're back with -- >> hey, everybody. stephen colbert. >> jon stewart. >> jimmy: the avett brothers are still to come. now, we know you guys are -- you're a tandem on the air,
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partners. off the air, are you friends, do you have things in common? do you hang out together? what goes on with you? >> we hang out, phone calls, mostly late night stuff. it's -- >> i'll text jon at 1:00 a.m., i'll go, "you up?" >> and this is kind of our thing, i go, "you know i am." >> i think we're both products of isolated childhoods. >> nice to have another, like, nerd friend. >> jimmy: are you nerds? i wouldn't hit the of youuys as nerds. >> really? >> jimmy: not really, no. >> more like geeks? >> jimmy: i don't know, maybe so i don't have to think of myself as a nerd. >> i look at you as -- >> more of a spaz. >> jimmy: thank you. >> i see him as a guy that would take my lunch money. >> you had lunch money? >> i was living the dream, baby. he is much more literate -- the man's recall and photographic memory -- i know of no one in the world --
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>> thank you. >> that is fluent in the bible and "lord of the rings." like, he can do both -- >> they're very similar. >> but he can knock out passages, you know, i'm more of a pop culture nerd, like -- >> "star wars" guy. >> "x-men, th" that kind of thi. >> jimmy: can you quote things from "lord of the rings?" >> absolutely, absolutely. not only can i quote them, i was down in new zealand last summer, on the set of "the hobbit" and peter jackson knows i'm a fan of "lord of the rings" and he sent me a note on hobbit stationary, which the top has a drawing of the dragon and i just -- >> look how excited this is making hum. >> i freaked out. >> and everybody else is like, i don't know what you're talking about. >> he invited me down to new zealand and we're on the set for three days, me and my kids and the person he wrote the movies with, an expert and peter jackson comes up to me, he goes, all right, i'm at a party and he
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goes, all right, stephen, we're going to have a tolkien geek-out. you each get to grab the liquor of your choice and i'm going to ask you 50 questions and we'll decide who is the biggest tolkien geek in the world. and i smoked her. >> jimmy: you did? >> smoked her. >> biggest tolkien geek in the world. >> peter jackson officially said i'm the biggest tolkien geek he ever met. >> this is a true story. bill bo bag begins said, "enough already." that's a quote. "take it down a notch." >> jimmy: true or false. you will be in "the hobbit." >> i don't think this is something -- >> i can neither confirm or deny. >> but i can announce, i will be in "yentl 2." >> jimmy: that's a scoop for us.
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>> must have taken forever to get the pointy ears on you. >> jimmy: last month, you debated bill o'reilly on the internet and that was one of the greatest things i think i've ever seen. i thought that was great. >> oh, thank you. [ applause ] >> you know, we had a great time. the only thing we had a little bit of trouble with is getting it to people on the internet. but other than that, i thought -- >> i found you could watch it for free on youtube. >> what? you owe me a dollar! >> jimmy: we're going to have take another break. i'm very sorry. >> we're not going anywhere. >> jimmy: very good. jon stewart and stephen colbert are here. we'll be right back. jack, you're a little boring. boring. boring. [ jack ] after lauren broke up with me, i went to the citi private pass page and decided to be...not boring. that's how i met marilyn... giada...
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really good. yes! [ jack ] ...and alicia. ♪ this girl is on fire [ male announcer ] use any citi® card to get the benefits of private pass. more concerts. more events. more experiences. [ jack ] hey, who's boring now? [ male announcer ] get more access with a citi card. [ crowd cheering, mouse clicks ] kids make stains i use tide boost to super charge our detergent. boom. clothes look amazing, and daddy's a hero. daddy, can we play ponies? right after we do foldies. tide boost is my tide. what's yours? you ari can't see. ooh, turn up the brightness. it's already up oh, oh, ooh, sorry buddy, you know some of us destroy zombies and some of us feed em.
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>> jimmy: jon stewart and stephen colbert are here with us. [ applause ] look at us. we're all wearing suits as if we're adults. it's ridiculous. how did you guys get here to brooklyn? >> oh, i actually grew up, my grandparents are from 8th street and avenue o. my grandfather max drove a cab
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and spread, from what i understand, was a navy man and gave a lot of people, mostly by the bell parkway, syphilis. >> jimmy: i did not know that. >> family lore. >> and i am one of his bastard children. >> we always used to come out here to see them. it's great. i love this town. >> jimmy: stephen, you have any -- >> i've been to brooklyn before. >> jimmy: you have. >> his people are the people that let my people into the country. his people, they were -- >> i think we were the ones that tried to keep you out. >> i knew it was one or the other. i knew they met us at the dock. i just wasn't sure if they gave us one of these or one of these. >> my earliest new york relative got off the boat the day before the draft riot in 1863. they were irish potato famine people. they said, immediately, let's burn this mother down.
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>> jimmy: who do you think is going to win the election? >> i think jon is. i think it's jon. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: out of the two guys that are running. >> i'll be honest with you, i have not been following it. [ laughter ] so, i'm -- i'm always excited with this stuff, just tune in and be surprised. >> jimmy: do you feel -- do you like the idea that maybe you're influencing who people vote for. >> i think that's a terrible idea. >> i don't put that much thought into what i say. and i lie a lot. >> if that is the case, we really have to go back to work and study up. >> jimmy: do you think people do? do you think -- i think people do. i think my children, for instance, who are both in college, get most of their information about politics from the two of you. [ applause ] it's true. >> i would -- i would like to ask you, on behalf of stephen and myself, to have your children not vote. [ laughter ] and, in fact, don't drive a car.
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no citrus juice. i don't want anything. no -- >> if people say that we do, that's their choice. >> yeah, we don't know. >> but it's not our intention. >> here's the thing about tv. they can see us. but we can't see them. so, we don't know if it's affecting them or if they are just using us while they have sex as background noise. we don't -- you have no idea, in fact, in my head, i prepare my show for the idea that, hey, man, let's do a good show tonight, people are banging to this. >> jimmy: you know what? well, i always -- >> before the show starts -- >> that's what i'm looking for. >> jimmy: let's watch them. >> i wear protection before i go out on stage. just in case. >> got to be ready. >> jimmy: if people are indeed making love right now, let's stop and in case they're not paying attention, stare at them. [ cheers and applause ]
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that's nicely done. >> i remember when i used to be able to bend my leg like that. >> jimmy: well, so great to have you guys here. >> congratulations, by the way. the 11:30 thing, terrific. very exciting. >> jimmy: thank you. appreciate it. >> i'll see you at 11:30. and i will see you in hell. >> jimmy: stephen, did you bring your book? i feel like i should plug the book. >> i have a book. >> how did you do that? what else do you have back there? >> i have ice cream for everyone! >> jimmy: wow, that is very kind. >> sundae bar. >> i don't need to talk about the book. the fact that i have a book is enough. stephen colbert has a book. >> every page packed with more jokes than any reader has a right to have. >> jimmy: we gathered around the family, we put on the glasses --
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>> what are you, little house on the prairie? >> if your house is still flooded, it works as a sham-wow. >> jimmy: stephen colbert, jon stewart, "the daily show," "the colbert report." weeknights on comedy central and stephen's book "america again" is available now. we'll be right back with the avett brothers. [ male announcer ] whether it's kevin's smartphone... ♪ ...mom's smartphone... dad's tablet... or lauren's smartphone... at&t has a plan built to help make families' lives easier.
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introducing at&t mobile share. one plan lets you share data on up to 10 devices with unlimited talk and text. add a tablet for only $10 per month. at&t. by the way they clean themselves in the bathroom. try charmin ultra strong. with a new duraclean texture, it helps you get clean. plus it's four times stronger than the leading value brand. and you can use up to four times less. charmin ultra strong.
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>> jimmy: this is their latest cd, it is called "the carpent carpenter." this song is not from it, but i asked them to do it for reasons you will soon understand. here with the song "i and love and you" with some help from the brooklyn philharmonic, the avett brothers. ♪ ♪ load the car and write the note grab your bag and grab your coat ♪ ♪ tell the ones that need to know we are headed north one foot in and ♪ ♪ one foot back but it don't pay to live like that so i cut the ties ♪
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♪ and i jumped the tracks for never to return ♪ ♪ ah brooklyn brooklyn take me in are you aware ♪ ♪ the shape i'm in my hands they shake my head it spins ah brooklyn ♪ ♪ brooklyn take me in when at first i learned to speak i used all my words to fight ♪ ♪ with him and her and you and me oh but it's just a waste of time ♪ ♪ yeah it's such a waste of time
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that woman she's got eyes that shine ♪ ♪ like a pair of stolen polished dimes she asked to dance i said it's fine ♪ ♪ i'll see you in the morning time ah brooklyn brooklyn take me in ♪ ♪ are you aware the shape i'm in my hands they shake my head it spins ♪ ♪ ah brooklyn brooklyn take me in ♪

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